Climbing Kilimanjaro
Even though I was away from home for ~3 weeks when my flight touched down at SFO airport on a pleasant 73-degree sunny afternoon, I felt like a part of me was missing. It’s like something was left behind in Africa. At first, I thought, it was just the lack of sleep, but as time passed by and I was all settled in the comfort of my home the feeling of something missing lingered. Having spent 8 days on the tallest mountain in Africa (Kilimanjaro) with no connection to my routine life in the Bay Area, I had felt a deep sense of focus and stillness. It turns out; I had been missing that continued sense of focus and stillness. I have always been attracted to hiking and free-standing mountains, but the top of Kili was something else entirely. Felt like I had been removed from my normal life and transplanted onto a brand new planet altogether. It was completely captivating.
Singular Focus and Calm:
My most vivid memory is this deep sense of singular focus that I felt while hiking, especially the summit night. When you are climbing a steep uphill in -10 degree (celsius) weather trying not to slip from one edge of the mountain, the exclusive focus you have is on your breath and your next step. Not another single thought for a long time, like a deep meditative state. It was highly refreshing. A profoundly satisfying feeling and offering a very calming effect for the mind. I was no longer in a rush, or a continous context switch or some thought process. I was exclusively experiencing an elevated sense of patience and focus. No disturbance, no worries.
Team Effort:
A hard to forget part of the Kili climb is that it is such a huge team effort. This makes climbing Kili even more special. Not only do you develop a bond with the mountain but also your team. Unless you are some top-notch climber, it’s almost impossible to do Kili without a fabulous group of guides and porters, who do most of the heavy lifting (both literally and figuratively). After 8 days, you feel closer to them than some of your friends that you might not have met in a long time. A bond created in some sense of adversity is one of the strongest relationships. Most of your team can barely speak a word of English, but they communicate with gestures and their eyes. I could tell for most of them it was more than a means of livelihood. Most of them were just in love with the mountain. The mountain as adopted them and they have adopted the mountain. I learned three great lessons about a successful team here: 1. Unwavering trust, 2. Clearly defined goal, and 3. Not thinking about that goal at all but rather optimizing the inputs parameters towards the goal. Apart from literally carrying you, the team did everything in their power to facilitate the summit. It re-enforced a sense of vision and the importance of the goal in me. The goal can be extremely tough, but it has to be clearly defined. And then the better the alignment of incentives towards the goals; the better the chances for success. It’s equally important not to keep looking at the summit all the time. Instead, you optimize things you can control: proper rest, positive mental state, high water intake, a good diet, stretching and training, climbing slow (pole-pole), acclimatization hikes etc. that eventually guarantee a successful climb.
Victim to Observer:
Certainly, the summit day is the toughest part of the hike. Probably the most challenging physical thing I have ever done in my life. It makes you realize, as humans, you are capable of so much more. Apart from physics, the limits you bind yourself by are self-inflicted or by societal education. Climbing Kili is a great practical way to self-realize that you can put your mind to something and do it. In preparation for Kili, I went from 174 lbs to 161 lbs in 3 months – again motivated by the goal to climb it. So when the day came, I was slightly worried but always very confident. We started our climb at midnight in the hope to catch the sunrise at Stella point at 06:40 AM, which we did indeed. Even though I was wearing 8 layers of clothing and two layers of gloves, my fingers tips were aching with cold. If you took your hand out to blow your nose; then the pain worsens. It’s painful in the beginning, but there is nothing you can do. You endure and hike on. And after a little bit; it all starts to feel okay. You become used to what is going on. At that moment, it hit me like a lightning bolt. I was feeling okay because I had gone from being a victim of pain to a mere observer of pain. It’s a subtle difference but an important change in perspective. It’s extremely energizing. You can just experience having this conversation with the mountain. You are accepting it, and it is slowly accepting you. We summited Kili at 06:51 AM, and I witness the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen in my life. At 19,300 feet, you are well above the clouds to see a mesmerizing blood orange horizon, as if there was nothing between you and it.
Inspiration:
I felt a deep sense of rush and inspiration the moment I reached the summit. You can mostly be catching your breath from the near 90-degree climb for the last 30 mins, but as you slow down and watch your breath, you notice the giant expanse of the mountain. No vegetation, no life just sunlight, sand, glaciers, and you - it’s like a different planet up there. You are significantly zoomed in. Words do no justice.
Poetry:
Back at the hotel, the day after the hike, I had an early breakfast alone. No one has woken up, and for some reason, I could sleep beyond 5 AM. There was I sipping my coffee, and the whole experience hit me like a jolt of lightning. As if all those memories crystallized into a single throat drying, watery-eyed, and faint smiling experience. The following came out of me:
The Summit
It’s not the night that frightens but the darkness within I hold. So I look up to you; beaming white angel. But of-course I only look at a mirror; for with you there are no secrets yet to be told.
What I begin again, is my fight with myself. Moonlight skies you offer; so never again; I lose sight of my goal. You tingle my hands as I wiggle my toes. I now fear nothing; for I am back like a baby in my ‘mother’s hold.
A new me rises; blood orange breaking through clouds. My thoughts are still; my soul steady. Now, the dirt remains but only on my skin and my brow — my heart steers clear purified in your gold.
